


Christmas lights

by Ssen



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: 13k words of Jaebeom being inlove, Best Friends to Lovers, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, He's so whipped, Honestly they're just cute, Jaebeom is soft for Youngjae, M/M, Mark Jackson and Jinyoung are only mentionned, Self-Indulgent, This is so long wtf, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tsundere Jaebeom, YoungJae is a sunshine, i wrote this instead of working, they're both brats, they're so pure, very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22002364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ssen/pseuds/Ssen
Summary: Everyone knows that Jaebeom can't say no to his best friend and roommate. So, when Youngjae asks for a christmas tree ? He gets a christmas tree. And maybe he's getting a boyfriend too. Because Jaebeom is very, very much in love.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	Christmas lights

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone ! This is the first English fanfic I've ever posted. I was careful not to make any mistakes but... maybe there are some ? Don't hesitate to tell me if you see one (◍•ᴗ•◍) It's 100% fluff and 100% of Jaebeom being whipped and trying to hide it. I'm not used to write fluff at all, so i'm not sure if it's good or not... But I hope you'll like it ! :D Enjoy ~

It was a cold, dark Friday, the first day of December, a bit past 9 pm, and Jaebeom was doing nothing but worrying.

Well, he was, in fact, doing quite a lot of things. Scrolling on his phone for five minutes, then putting it away, and taking it again a few minutes after. He had also done the small, quick chores he hadn't had time to do during his busy week. He had watered the plants in the entire studio, even his roommate's ones, because the boy had the bad habit to totally forget about them, and Jaebeom was actually the only thing keeping them alive. He had also washed all the dishes that had accumulated in the sink, and answered all of his emails, too. He should have been proud of himself for doing all of this on the first night of the weekend, despite his exhaustion, but he wasn't. He wasn't, because it wasn't important at all. They were all secondary actions. What was important, however, was that his friend and roommate - yes, the one who never watered his plants and who didn't seem to have the capacity to clean his plates - wasn't home yet. And he hadn't texted anything. And Jaebeom - Jaebeom was fucking worried. The I-can't-stop-myself-from-bouncing-my-leg-and-annoy-the-fuck-out-of-the-neighbours-from-below type of worry. Or the I-am-about-to-go-out-in-the-cold-and-look-for-him-in-the-entire-city one. Or again, the I'm-already-thinking-about-calling-the-police one. 

And it wasn't even that late. Or that cold, really. And, his roommate, Choi fucking Youngjae, had of course lots of friends he could be visiting. Or eating with. Or hanging out with. But the fact was that, Youngjae never  _ ever  _ failed to warn him when he wasn't coming home. Either with a call, a text, or a post-it on the fridge. But this day, Jaebeom, seeing that he was still not here at 7pm, had checked his phone a few hundred times, had searched in the entire flat for a note, and had even called the boy but… nothing. No news.

No news is good news, is what they say, huh ? 

And Jaebeom, the ever serious student, dedicated, caring to his friend, and best hyung on earth, was still waiting for him to eat. Because they had this thing, you know, every friday night. They would order food, or Jaebeom would cook something really quick, and they would eat it in front of the tv, in the old but comfy couch that was once owned by Youngjae's grandmother, and they would watch movies or series until they fall asleep, their thighs touching and the head of the one who had fallen asleep first on the other's shoulder. And that was something that Jaebeom enjoyed a lot. Hell, it was even what he had been waiting for since the monday before, and what had kept him motivated enough to go through the week. He was never going to admit that, but he loved the way it made him feel more relaxed, warm, he loved the proximity, the cuddles, the cup of hot chocolate in his hands and the sound of Youngjae's slow breathing, almost inaudible under the movie's noises. And yes, of course, sometimes they had to cancel, because some of their friends were dragging them to a party, or because they were going to see their family, but it was really, really rare, and always planned several days before.

That's why Jaebeom was still there, still awake even if he had barely slept the two previous nights, and hungry as hell, sitting on the same couch where Youngjae should have been sitting too, feeling very very worried and also a tiny bit upset. He was staring at the untouched cups of hot chocolate, and the now cold noodles he had placed on the coffee table, chewing mindlessly on the nail of his thumb between two teeth while he was trying to guess what was his roommate doing out so late. And he had been doing that for the past 15 minutes, so, really, it was a  _ huge _ relief when he finally heard the sound of keys near his door. He stood up, the few next exhales making his heart feel less heavy, and took a few steps towards where the sound was coming from. And then, he watched, with a small frown he couldn't really control, as the door opened, and the so awaited Youngjae came in. Seeing his hyung's feet in front of him, he raised his head, and then smiled sheepishly, one hand coming up to rub his neck, and a few long, black locks almost covering his left eye. 

" Good evening, hyung ", he said in a shy, soft voice. 

Jaebeom's heart swelled a little, because Youngjae just looked way too cute and hot in his oversize hoodie, his black leather jacket, and his big, fluffy gray and white scarf that hid his jaw, but he was never going to admit that out loud.

" Youngjae, what the  _ hell  _ were you doing ? Where were you ? " he asked, not answering the younger's greetings, and sounding a bit harsher than what he intended to. 

The boy finally stepped inside the room, immediately going towards Jaebeom with a worried and concerned look in his eyes, to put a reassuring hand on the older's forearm.

" I'm sorry hyung, i really am. I had to go to Jackson's and Mark's after class to help them a little with their homework but they ended up forcing me to stay for dinner. And I wanted to text you the second they asked me if I was free, this afternoon, but my phone was dead and i didn't have a charger and… I'm sorry if i worried you. Really, really sorry. "

Jaebeom sighed, lowering his gaze on the floor, and on Youngjae's shoes. He couldn't stay mad at him more than two seconds, and it wasn't even like he _had_ to be mad, because it was obviously not his fault at all, and because the boy had found a way to apologize _four_ _times_ in a single sentence. Youngjae was always the _best_ at apologizing, and Jaebeom loved that as much as he hated it, because most of the time, Youngjae had nothing _at all_ to apologize for.

" It's okay, 'Jae. " he said finally, softly shaking his head. " Just, don't do that again, please ? I was two seconds away from calling the cops. And from dying of starvation. "

The younger rolled his eyes, but still hugged the taller loosely with an amused smile.

" Aw, you're such a drama queen. I won't, i promise i'll be more careful. Now, let's get you something to eat, and then we can start watching a movie and cuddle, yeah ? "

Jaebeom answered to the hug, placing his hand on the other's waist and his head on top of his, with a pleased exhale he tried to hide.

" Isn't it a bit late for that ? ", he asked, his voice back to the soft, low one he only used with his roomate. " You must be tired. " 

" Yeah, I am. No big deal though. I'll sleep in front of the tv, using you as a big pillow, just like always. "

The younger pulled away, sending him a very, very cute teasing grin and a wink, and Jaebeom rolled his eyes and turned away, trying to look annoyed when he, in fact, just wanted to coo at him about how fucking cute he was being. It was hard, really, having such an adorable roommate and still acting indifferent. He opted to go back to the coffee table, successfully hiding the fond smile that couldn't disappear from his face, and took the two plates of noodles in his hands to bring them to the kitchen.

" Just choose whatever movie you want, i'll be back after putting these in the microwave. " he said.

Youngjae heard him, hummed in agreement, but still decided to ignore the advice, and followed him into the kitchen. There was a small, utterly cute skip in his steps, and he was beaming, looking up at his hyung with eyes full of hope and expectations. And while, of course, Jaebeom thought it was way too adorable, he also found it hella suspicious. Youngjae might be the very cute, bright, always ready to help little otter guy everyone loved, sometimes the cheerfulness hid something dangerously close to mischief, and Jaebeom had learned not to get fooled by his apparently innocent and naive behaviour. So, when the boy stayed next to him while his plate was slowly turning in the microwave, not saying anything, but a huge smile stretching his face, making his eyes disappear and showing his perfect teeth, Jaebeom was, he admitted, lowkey scared. He glanced at him a few times, frowning, and snapped, impatient:

" What ? "

And, as if Youngjae had been waiting for him to question him the whole time, he immediately exclaimed:

" Hyung, let's buy a Christmas tree ! " 

Now, that was unexpected. And not as bad as Jaebeom thought it would be. But still...

" A… Christmas tree ? ", he repeated, a bit dumbfounded. 

Then the microwave beeped, covering Youngjae's happy hum, and Jaebeom opened it and took the plates, burning his fingers a little but acting like it was nothing. They made their way back to the couch, the younger still following him closely, pouting and tugging at his sleeve when he didn't get an answer. But Jaebeom was still thinking about it, wanting to say no, as the grumpy old man he was, but not finding any reason to do so.

" Youngjae, you know I haven't done that since my parents… Kicked me out, right ? " he reminded the boy, sitting down heavily. The boy sat next to him and nodded, with a sad looking frown on his face that Jaebeom really wanted to go away.

" I know, hyung, I haven't done that neither, since I moved to Seoul. Christmas trees weren't allowed back in the dorms, so it's been a very long time and I just, kinda miss it… I saw Mark's and Jackson's one at their apartment and it made me want to do that with you. Buying it, decorating it together, like a family. It would be great, wouldn't it ? "

Jaebeom watched and listened as the boy before him softly spoke, his voice a bit more hesitant than before and nervously playing with his fingers. He was still looking up at him, though, not breaking the eye contact, and his hyung felt satisfied to see, once again, that the black-haired boy was not feeling shy in front of him anymore. And then he nodded, not even thinking about it, because, yeah, of course, it would be fucking great. Amazing, even. The idea of decorating a Christmas tree with his adorable dongsaeng made him feel very warm inside, brought him back to his happy childhood, before it all turned to gray. Jaebeom was having a really tough time then, living alone in Seoul when his parents only lived a few blocks away, but had made it really clear that they didn't want to see him again. It was really hard, but then Youngjae had appeared out of nowhere, had decided to be his friend despite his cold behaviour, and had turned the lights back on in his life, as the eternal sunshine he always was. They had become really, really close, and decided to move together as roommates two years later, because Youngjae had made a promise to Jaebeom, that made his heart hurt from joy and love everytime the older thought about it.

"  _ I'll be your family, hyung, if you let me.  _ "

" Yeah, okay, let's do that. " he eventually said, his voice a bit strained. " We'll go buy one tomorrow, okay ? "

" Woah, you actually agreed ? Thank you so much hyung !! "

Youngjae hugged him and Jaebeom immediately answered, holding him tightly against him and burying his face into the crook of his neck. He was feeling slightly overwhelmed, as he always was when Youngjae did things like that, filled him with this soft yet strong feeling of affection, that he could never get used to. The feeling was too good, too beautiful, he sometimes thought he didn't even deserve that. Didn't deserve to love someone that much.

" Thank you for being my family, 'Jae, he mumbled. "

Without missing a beat, the other answered what he always did:

" Thank you for being mine, hyung. "

And Jaebeom could only suppress the whine that was threatening to escape, not being able to handle two rushes of emotion at the same time. He held the boy tighter in his arms, exhaling slowly to try and calm his beating heart, while he could feel the other's hand drawing reassuring circles on his back. After a while, when he finally felt calm enough, the older pulled away, offering him what he wished was a thankful grin, and Youngjae only nodded, a hint of fondness in his eyes that Jaebeom found hypnotizing. He knew he could get drown in this gaze, so he broke the eye contact quickly, turning back to the tv, putting his plate on his knees and the remote in his hand.

" So, what do you wanna watch ? "

•

They ended up watching a cliché Christmas drama, because they were in the mood for it after their agreement. Jaebeom ate less noodle than Youngjae, since, even if the latest had already eaten dinner at Mark's, he was fucking greedy, and he always claimed that he loved Jaebeom food the  _ most _ , so Jaebeom happily fed him, each time hearing a voice in his head which sounded suspiciously like Jinyoung's, telling him "  _ man, you're whipped.  _ "

He didn't disagree.

He knew that Youngjae was barely paying attention to the screen, and that he was only waiting for him to fall asleep so he could carry him to bed, because that was what he always did when he knew that Jaebeom was exhausted, and he  _ always  _ knew. The aubrun-haired man thought he was quite good at hiding it, but it seemed that Youngjae could read into him like an open book, because he could always tell if he was tired, sad, upset, or angry, even when Jaebeom tried his best to keep his face as blank as possible. But he didn't mind, right now, because he felt good and comfortable, with the younger's arm wrapped loosely around his waist, snuggled together so close that he could feel some of the boy's long locks brushing against his cheekbones. Youngjae glanced at him from time to time, checking if he was still awake, and Jaebeom was able to spot two or three of the soft, caring smiles that were sent his way before he closed his eyes for good, drifting into a calm, deep sleep that he had been waiting for all week.

•

As expected, Jaebeom woke up the next morning, tucked in his bed, surrounded by his comfy, heavy blankets. Which meant that Youngjae had, just as he had guessed he would, carried him to bed after he fell asleep. He smiled, stretching himself with a happy sigh.

It had taken a while for him to get used to it. The way Youngjae treated him had made him feel really weird at first, because it was against everything he had been taught when he was a child. His parents had always told him that he should be the one to be taking care of someone who's younger, and not the other way around, but Youngjae seemed to not care at all about the age difference, treating him as if they were the exact same age. And the idea of someone younger than him, smaller than him, carrying him to bed, making sure he always ate, and driving him home when he had drank too much, never failed to make him very uncomfortable. It just wasn't how things were meant to be. And he was always grumpy and trying to seem tough at that time, so he had actually asked his friend to stop doing it, but Youngjae had looked up at him with wide, sad eyes and had insisted to talk him through it, and so did he. He told him how it didn't have to be a big deal, how he didn't mean to hurt his pride, but just wanted to be useful for him because that was how he acted with his friends, and how he should maybe forget his parents' words now, because they obviously weren't the most aware people about respect anyway. And Jaebeom, as the big softie he was inside, even under the tough and cold appearance, already unable to say no to this cute little human, had shrugged it off with an emotionless " if you say so ", and Youngjae had shown him his biggest smile and had exclaimed " you'll get used to it, don't worry ! ".

And he was right. It had taken a long time, but now, Jaebeom didn't mind anymore. He even liked it. It didn't make him feel weak, nor did it hurt his pride anymore, it only made him feel loved. And he knew that, the week after, Youngjae would let him do the exact same thing for him, because that was what they always did; taking care of each other all the time. So it was alright. He liked that.

He stayed in bed a few minutes, staring at the ceiling until he felt fully awake, and then got up and made his way to the kitchen. The studio was quiet, which meant that his friend was still sleeping. It was easy to tell, because whenever he was awake, he was always loud as fuck, singing or laughing or talking with his online friends, always making Jaebeom's home feel a lot more alive. 

He put his apron on, the ridiculous one with hawaiian palm tree patterns that Jinyoung had given him - "  _ if you're going to live with Youngjae, you're gonna need that _ ", he had warned him, dead serious, "  _ because he's not going to cook. Don't  _ ever _ let him try. _ " - and decided to cook the best breakfast he could, with pancakes and homemade orange juice and another cup of hot chocolate because he knew they both could drink it all day long. He prepared everything while humming to a happy song, even making a few dance steps from time to time, and even though he knew he was looking perfectly ridiculous, he couldn't find it in himself to care. 

He then took a tray, put everything he had prepared on it, and walked towards the last room of the studio, where he had to find a way to gently knock at the door while not dropping the tray. He had to be very careful, because he had filled the glasses a bit to much and it was threatening to fall at any seconds, but, heh, he was Im Jaebeom. He managed.

He didn't wait for any answer before opening the door, because he knew that the boy wouldn't wake up so easily, so he wasn't going to get one anytime soon. That's why he decided to simply walk in the room, already smiling at the sight of Youngjae, sprawled out on his bed in a weird position Jaebeom had never even thought of, shivering a bit because half of his blanket had fallen down on the floor. He always looked a bit childlike when he was sleeping, but his face was calm and utterly beautiful. Jaebeom had always found it endearing, the way he slept; his long eyelashes brushing against his soft, pale cheeks, an expression of pure serenity on his face, jaw and brows relaxed, and a slow, soft breath escaping from his slightly-open mouth in a rhythm that Jaebeom now knew by heart. He looked so handsome, so cute, and so, so, so pretty, that the older knew he could never get used to it. He knew his heart would always skip a beat at first, and then his pulse would always quicken crazily as he gets closer, sitting at the edge of the bed and resisting the sudden urge to kiss those pretty cheeks, shoulders and lips. He decided to gently shake the boy instead, calling his name with the softest voice possible, and increasing the intensity of it until Youngjae finally stirred, brows furrowed and nose crunching a little. He turned his head towards him, opened one eye, then the other, then blinked a few times to get used to the luminosity. Jaebeom's smile widened at the sight, his day already brightened by the dark haired boy before him, and he wasn't even fully awake yet.

" Good morning " he said quietly when Youngjae finally sat up, only to be answered by a small nod, while he was sleepily rubbing his eyes and stretching. When he was done, he turned to Jaebeom once again, eyeing him with a curious look. Youngjae's voice always took a while to reactivate on the morning, so he didn't say anything, waited for Jaebeom to understand his question, which was obviously "  _ what are you doing here and why did you wake me up so early ? _ ". Jaebeom could almost hear the annoyed whine, because he knew that the boy didn't like to be woken up  _ at all _ . 

He gently nudged Youngjae's shoulder with the tray he was still holding.

" I made you breakfast. "

The younger glanced at the tray, observing it for a while, before looking back up at him. He looked too sleepy to choose between beaming and frowning, so he kept his expression blank.

" You didn't have to… " he said with his hoarse, broken morning voice.

" I know… I just wanted to. " He nudged him again. " Now come on, you gotta eat it before it gets cold. "

Youngjae eventually took the food from him, muttering a small " thanks ", and putting it on his legs while his back rested against the headboard. He zoned out for a while, just staring at the pancakes, but Jaebeom still waited for him, until he softly patted the place next to him on the bed, urging him to share the breakfast with him. He happily obliged, shuffling under the cover until he was sitting next to the brunette, their shoulders slightly brushing with every movement. They ate quietly at first, but Youngjae was slowly waking up, and soon enough, they were happily chatting, talking about the past week that was now ( fortunately, in Jaebeom's case ) over. They were talking and talking and they soon didn't have a lot to say anymore, but they stayed there a few more minutes, enjoying each other's body warmth and slow breathing. 

The next time Jaebeom glanced towards the other, however, he was surprised to see him wearing a frown, head lower than before and nervously chewing on his lips.

" Hey. ", he said quietly, poking him right between his eyebrows, where an ugly line of worry had appeared - of course, it was Youngjae, so it wasn't  _ really  _ ugly, but it was not nearly as beautiful as his usual dazzling smiles. " What's that for ? "

Youngjae playfully pushed his hand away, giggling, and cutely trying to hide his face in his own shoulders.

" Nothing, hyung ! " he answered. Jaebeom stared at him, unsure, because he knew all too well what that meant. At first, when he heard Youngjae say that " it was nothing ", he thought it meant that it was something he didn't want to talk about. But, spending more and more time with him, he quickly realized that it actually meant " i want to talk about it but i'm too shy to ask ". That was Youngjae's cute way of dealing with people. Letting them guess and waiting for them to ask, so that he'd be sure it wouldn't bother them if he actually talked.

He answered the usual:

" What kind of nothing ? " 

Youngjae shook his head, humming, and when he met his eyes again, he was wearing a soft smile, which was obviously meant to prevent him from worrying. Then, a heavy head was suddenly resting on his chest, and Jaebeom instinctively started to pet his hair as gently as he could, feeling it touching his chin from time to time.

" I just remembered that i have a lot of homework to do this weekend, and I'm not motivated at all… " he complained against his collarbone, and the audible pout in his voice made Jaebeom chuckle. 

" You're smart and organized. I'm sure it'll be finished in a few hours. "

" But i don't want to, hyung ! " Jaebeom chuckled again, because Youngjae sounded way to childish, and it was hard to resist. " I want to spend time with you today… I missed you this week… "

" Missed me ? Jae, we live together. We've seen each other everyday. "

" But not like that. Not just spending time with each other, without thinking about anything else, just hugging and talking and... It's so… relaxing. "

" ...Relaxing, indeed. " Jaebeom breathed.

He kept stroking the younger's dark hair, the room going quiet. Jaebeom could smell the other's fruity shampoo every time he inhaled, and he waited for a few  _ tik tok  _ of the clock to pass, enjoying the calm, before he spoke again.

" Hey, listen, here's what I suggest. You do your homework this morning until noon - " 

There was a whine escaping the younger's mouth as he shook his head, but it was soon replaced by an annoyed groan when Jaebeom booped him on the nose.

" Let me finish, you brat. So, you'll do your homework, and I'll be right there, doing mine on the same table, and I'll help you if you struggle - which I doubt -, and you'll help me too, and it will be almost as relaxing as right now. Then, if you're a good boy and you work well - "

" Don't call me a good boy… "

" You're the  _ best _ boy.  _ Then _ , i said, if you work well enough, I'll cook you whatever you want for lunch. Just tell me what and i'll go buy what I need and cook it. "

Youngjae eventually rose his head, staring at him with big, hopeful eyes. Jaebeom switched to massaging his nape slowly, rubbing up to were tiny hair were appearing and back down between his shoulder blades.

" Really ...? " he asked, unsure.

" Yup. Really. "

" It won't bother you ? " 

Jaebeom huffed, rolling his eyes, and added a bit more pressure on the younger's neck, squeezing it in fake annoyance until the boy let his head fall back on his chest with a high-pitched complain. 

If Jaebeom's huge amused smirk was anything to go by, though, he obviously wasn't annoyed  _ at all _ .

" No, it won't. " he answered, soothing the place he had just pinched.

There was another minutes of silence - it happened a lot between them, and they were always comfortable silences, that often made them struggle against the sleepiness it brought.

" 'kay. ", he eventually breathed out. " And after ? "

" After ? I thought it was settled. Didn't you ask for a Christmas tree ? " 

It obviously was the answer Youngjae was waiting for, because he chuckled, causing a fond smile to appear on Jaebeom's face when he felt the vibrations against his skin.

" I still can't believe you actually agreed to that… ", the dark-haired man muttered, his voice slightly muffled by his hyung's shirt.

" It's a  _ really  _ good idea, though. Why would I say no ? "

" You wanted to, at first. "

" Yeah. That was dumb. "

He felt him shake his hand, letting out a casual, lazy " Nuh-uh. ". Jaebeom chuckled.

" 'T's not dumb, hyungie. Your parents… "

" Yeah. "

The answer was soft, but definitely showed that he didn't want it,  _ them _ , to be mentioned right now, so the younger stayed silent, enveloping his roommate in a tight, warm hug instead, fingertips digging into his shoulder blades and head raising a little so that he was now nosing at the base of the other's neck. Jaebeom's heart swelled a bit more - he swore one day it was going to explode - and he hummed, shifting a bit until he could correctly reciprocate, hands trailing down so that his thumbs could draw random patterns on the smaller's waist. The latter let out a satisfied sigh, making Jaebeom giggle because he was a bit ticklish and the breath had reached the sensible skin of his neck, and then he closed his eyes.

" Heh. Don't fall asleep on me, sunshine, you've got work to do. "

" Noooo… " was the whine he got as an answer.

" Yes you do, come on. Let me go. " 

" Ngnnnnnh… Don't wanna… " 

" Choi Youngjae. Let go of me and get dressed. Now. "

" Mmmh no. "

Jaebeom sighed and rolled his eyes and had to actually grab the other's wrists and push him away in order to be able to get out of the bed. Youngjae fell head down on the mattress, laying on his stomach, and he moved his head to the side to send an angry, disappointed glare at his friend. The latter answered it with a casual, smug raise of his eyebrows, trying not to show how much he was dying inside, because he looked so freaking  _ adorable _ , there, right there, with his face half hidden by the fluffy blankets underneath him. His black hair was falling down on his face, covering it too, until there was almost only one of his eyes visible, shooting daggers at him, and Jaebeom couldn't see it, but he would bet all of his belongings that he was pouting too. He left the room after having done a double take at the small, endearing mole just under said dark eye, smiling to himself when he sternly told the younger to " hurry and get the fuck up ", because, he wasn't " going to wait for him to start working ". 

He closed the door behind him and went to his room to take his schoolbag, books and pens and brought them all to the table in the kitchen. He settled down and started working.

Youngjae came a few minutes later, freshly showered, his dark hair smoothed and parted from his face, a big, oversize grey hoodie covering almost all his thighs _. _ It didn't stop Jaebeom from noticing the way they were tightly hugged by the light-blue jeans he was wearing. He took a mental note of that, an appreciative whistle ringing in his head, as the boy sat down on the chair in front of him groggily, still looking like an upset five year old, pouting at him as if it was Jaebeom who had given him so much homework. The older only winked and got back to work, eyes down on his book while he heard his friend taking his own ones out of his bag.

According to the plan, they worked for a few hours in the quiet room, barely noticing how the snow was slowly starting to fall outside. Well, Jaebeom noticed. He didn't say anything about it, because he knew that Youngjae would get too excited about it and wouldn't be able to concentrate. 

They barely talked anyway. They mostly focused on the subjects they were trying to learn, sometimes taking their phones out when they needed to ask questions to other people in the same class. As they always did when they were together, they did well, and after three hours of work and a few breaks here and there, Jaebeom had successfully finished and sent his essay to his teacher. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back, and heard his joints pop when he stretched. 

" I'm going to the convenience store now, " he informed. " You didn't tell me what you wanted to eat. "

Youngjae tore his eyes from his sheets of papers to look up at him, still frowning in concentration. 

" ...Uh. I don't know… tofu stew ? " 

Jaebeom's smile widened, of course he would choose his favorite.

" Soondubu Jjigae it is then, " he said while getting up and going behind the younger, eyeing his papers and books laying everywhere on the table. " Doing good ? " he asked.

" Yup, " answered the boy, popping the ' p '. " One hour more and it should be over. " 

" That's my boy ! Good job, Jae, " he praised, ruffling his roommate's soft hair. Youngjae giggled and Jaebeom watched as he smiled this big, dazzling,  _ perfect  _ smile of his, his eyes turning into small crescents but somehow still shining brightly. " Need something else ? " he inquired.

" No, hyung, I'm good. "

" 'kay. I'm going then. Fighting ! " 

He left, throwing his own leather jacket on his shoulders and putting on his favourite beanie, and walked out in the quiet, cold streets, enjoying the feeling of the snowflakes falling on his face. His breath was creating small puffs of smoke each time he exhaled, and while he himself didn't like the cold that much, he still couldn't suppress his small grin, thinking about how happy Youngjae would get when he’ll notice. He knew how much he loved when it was cold outside, because he got to wear those fluffy, warm and soft clothes he loved, such as his enormous scarf and his wool mittens. He always looked  _ utterly adorable  _ in those, and Jaebeom was close to loose it  _ every. single. winter _ . It was much more than what he could handle. 

When he got back home, putting the heavy bag he was carrying on the floor, Youngjae rose his head, probably in order to greet him, but he got interrupted by his own gasp. Jaebeom stared, confused but amused, as he stood up and walked towards him slowly, his mouth slightly ajar and looking up at him with wide eyes.

" What's wrong ? " questioned Jaebeom as he got closer. Youngjae kept on looking at him in awe, and stopped a few centimeters from him. He was obviously staring at something slightly above him, not saying anything, at his hyung was about to lose patience and snap, but suddenly there were soft fingers in his long, brown hair and he shivered.

" You've got snow in your hair… " Youngjae whispered, catching a snowflake on his fingertip and watching it melt.

" Yeah. " Jaebeom quietly answered. " It's snowing outside. "

" Why didn't you tell me ? " he complained, frowning, but still slowly stroking his hair, making the older close his eyes and lean into the touch. " You know I love snow… "

" I know. But you wouldn't have been able to concentrate if I told you, right ? Don't worry though, I checked, it won't stop until tonight. Besides, you can't even play with it. It melts as soon as it touches the ground. "

" But it doesn't melt in your hair… "

" Nah. I think it's frozen now. "

Jaebeom chuckled as Youngjae slowly took his beanie off of him, still staring at the top of his head while trying to catch all the beautiful snowflakes that had accumulated there and were now tangled in his cold locks. It was peaceful and quiet, but it only lasted a few seconds before the aubrun-haired boy had an idea. He smirked.

" I won't stop me, though… " 

This time, Youngjae's eyes met his own, and he tilted his head, mirroring the confused expression that his friend was wearing earlier.

" Uh ? From what ? " 

Just as he expected, Youngjae let out a loud shriek when he leaned closer, hugging his roommate and pressing his head against the side of his neck. Every single place where they touched felt like it was on fire, the brunette's skin was so, so much warmer than his. Jaebeom's one was still freezing from being outside for so long, his cheeks, nose and ears still pink, and the contrast felt a bit too much, even for him, because Youngjae was way too hot - literally, and figuratively -, but he ignored it, because it was funny enough to be worth it. He bursted out laughing when Youngjae shouted " Hyung, no, cold, cold, cold, cold,  _ cold  _ !!! ", and only tightened the grip on his wrist and around his back when he started squirming, pushing against his chest, kicking, desperately shaking his head and stretching his neck in order to limit the contact surface. Jaebeom could feel all of his muscles working, moving frantically and messily between his arms, stretching and unstretching until the boy was panting heavily from the effort.

" Yes, sunshine, I'm really cold. Can't you even share a bit of body warmth with your best friend ? "

" No, hyuuung ! Stop, please, please, please ! Too cold !! "

But Jaebeom only grinned even more, evilly, and the hand on his back trailed up, stopping at his neckband, and slowly, very slowly, the frigid fingertips found there way under the hoodie. Youngjae hissed and yelped and tensed even more, pushing him away with more force. The older barely had time to understand what was going on, one second he was still holding the younger and teasing him, and the next, his butt collided hurtfully on the floor as he fell down. He grunted, feeling very, very displeased at how it all turned out. He blinked a few time at the floor, head low and hair falling on his face, hiding him from Youngjae. They stayed like that, frozen, for a few seconds, that stretched out, feeling like forever until the little  _ demon  _ had the audacity to take a slow step closer to him and to carefully crouch down. His lips were closed in a flat, expressionless line, but his eyes were big, curious but cautious, as he was looking down at him. He seemed unsure, even a tiny bit scared, but there was a glint in his eyes that showed how amusing he found the whole situation when he asked:

" You okay hyung ? " 

Jaebeom let out a dark chuckle, one that screamed "  _ danger  _ ", and he heard more than he saw the way Youngjae nervously swallowed, along with the shiver that ran down his spine. He slowly rose his head, a dangerous, angry open-mouthed smile on his face as they eventually made eye contact. 

" You little  _ shi- _ ", he began, but Youngjae had run out of the room before he could even finish his sentence.

•

" Focus. " Jaebeom scolded, catching the stare Youngjae had been keeping on him for almost a whole minute. They were back to the kitchen, Jaebeom wearing his apron once again, and chopping vegetables. Youngjae was still supposed to be working, but he had his head leaning on his arm, while mechanically making his pen turn and roll between expert fingers. He had been watching Jaebeom cook with a fond grin, which disappeared with a slight delay when he got caught.

" Right ! " he exclaimed, eyes going down to send his books a surprised look, lips parted, as if he had completely forgotten about them. If you watched closely, you could see the light blush blooming on his cheeks. He was flustered.

Jaebeom smiled to himself.

•

" No, hyung, it's not heavy at all, don't worry ! " Youngjae exclaimed with a cheerful tone, voice almost as if he was singing. 

_ It's not about it being heavy, you dumbass _ , Jaebeom thought.  _ It's because I'm going to die from cuteness overload. And I'm going to be happy about it. It's too much, my heart can't take it, fuck. _

Jaebeom knew. He knew it wasn't heavy. He remembered, back when he was a teenager, carrying the big Christmas tree every year for the woman who once was his mother. And it was never heavy, no matter how tall and large the tree was. And yet here he was, arms full of bags and boxes of decorations, asking his best friend if he needed help approximately every four seconds.

Youngjae was holding the Christmas tree, tightly wrapped in plastic - it looked like a big green sausage - in his arm, against his chest, and it was almost as if he was  _ hugging  _ it, giggling when he felt the needles digging in his forearms and wrists. And he was so, so fucking  _ cute _ . He was smiling from ear to ear, was walking fast, happily, almost bouncing, looking at the tree in his arms with a dorky beam. He was happy, happy, happy, and cute, cute,  _ cute _ , way too cute. Jaebeom felt his heart break slowly, emitting a low " crrrack " he was the only one to hear. He was literally in pain, trying his best not to whine from how overwhelmed he was feeling, just by the sight of his best friend carrying a  _ damn Christmas tree. God _ , he was so far gone. 

Youngjae turned his head over his shoulder to look at him, from where he was walking, a bit ahead of him. Jaebeom panicked, tried to quickly hide the emotion that surely was written all over his face. He didn't know exactly what it looked like, but it might have been a mixture of pain, endearment and fondness and he did  _ not  _ want to show that. He smoothed it down, regaining his composure immediately, but he was certain that Youngjae had seen it. It was obvious, from the way his steps got slightly slower, how he kept his gaze on him with his mouth agape and his eyes shaking slightly, as if he was trying to analyse every details of his face, clearly surprised and maybe also a tiny bit flustered. But after a few tiny seconds, the surprised look slowly turned into a pleased grin that made Jaebeom's heart shudder. It was a pretty little grin, which he couldn't keep his eyes away from, that stretched his pink, chapped lips elegantly. It looked cute and soft, but there was once again something in his eyes, that Jaebeom couldn't have deciphered if he didn't know him so well, a small but obvious glint of playfulness, and it was as if he knew exactly what he was doing to his best friend. What effect he had on him. It was as if he was being  _ teased. _

Jaebeom's pulse quickened dangerously as he watched a small snowflake land on the younger's bottom lip, staying there a fraction of a second before melting and disappearing. What if he actually  _ knew ?  _ He didn't want that. He couldn't know, not yet. Of course, they were going somewhere, that was so obvious. With the way they were both acting, there was no way they would stay " best friends " for long. But Jaebeom was not ready, not at all, not yet. He couldn't know. He didn't know, right ? He had become an expert at hiding his rushes of affection everytime it would happen - which was,  _ often.  _ But sometimes, when the boy wasn't looking, he didn't bother to. Of course, he was bound to get caught one day. Why was he so reckless ? 

If Youngjae saw something, though, he stayed silent, turning back to the door as if nothing had happened, struggling to hold the Christmas tree while one of his hand digged into his pocket to take his keys out.

Jaebeom let out a deep, heavy sigh of relief when they entered the studio, Youngjae immediately heading to the corner of the living room where they had agreed to put the tree. 

" Hyung, bring scissors please ! We have to unwrap it ! " he cheerfully asked.

The older put all the bags on the floor and stretched his arms and fingers, before going to the kitchen, and back to the living room with scissors in his hand. He carefully cut the plastic, listening to his roommate's happy and impatient babbling and exclamations. The branches were freed one after the other, as if the tree was a flower slowly blooming, and soon it took the expected shape of a beautiful cone, needles going everywhere, almost messily. It was cute. 

It wasn't a big tree - they couldn't afford one. Even with Jaebeom's part time job, and the money Youngjae got from his parents and from playing the piano during parties from time to time, they didn't have a lot to spend. And, since it was the first time they did that together, they also had to buy all the ornaments, garlands, and, of course, some chocolates and sweets because, it was Christmas, after all. It wasn't too expensive, but they still had to be careful.

So the Christmas tree was small. Not  _ too _ small, because they still wanted it to look like an actual tree, but definitely smaller than them. It was probably about Youngjae's height, if he didn't have a head. 

Great. Now he was imagining Youngjae without a head. It looked weird.

It was small, but Jaebeom thought it was pretty. It looked good, and it smelt good, too, a smell that he had almost forgotten, and he expected all the memories to come back to him but surprisingly, there was nothing else than this exact moment in his mind. How could he think about the past, when he was here, at  _ home _ , with Youngjae, who was looking at the tree with a huge smile, proud and satisfied, hands on his hips with an appreciative hum. It was small, but it made them happy. It was round and large and, as dangerous as it was with all those needles, it almost looked fluffy. 

" It's cute… " he breathed, when the silence stretched a bit too much.

" Yeah. I almost want to hug it again. " Youngjae chuckled. " But I won't ! " he added, hands waving in front of him in a somewhat reassuring movement when he noticed the alarmed look on his hyung's face. They stared at it a few moments more, before he talked again. " Nice smile, hyung. "

Jaebeom's mouth fell open, and he shot him a confused look. The compliment had caught him off guard too much for him to hold back his gasp. And here he was, once again watching Youngjae's smirk, that looked, somehow, extremely soft, despite the fact that it was a fucking _ smirk _ . It was teasing and malicious and smug and he still managed to make it look gentle. That was unfair. 

" Are you hitting on me ?! " Jaebeom gasped with a fake outraged look as soon as he came back to reality. He took a step back and even put a hand on his heart for good measure, like the overly dramatic actor he was. 

" I don't know… is it working ? " he answered with a playful side-glance.

" Oh my god,  _ yes  _ ! " exclaimed the older in a high-pitched, exaggerated voice. " As soon as someone compliments my smile, I want them in my bed ! " 

Youngjae rolled his eyes, unimpressed, then stuck his tongue out at him. The duality of this man. 

" Anyway. Should we start decorating it ? It won't do it by itself if we just keep staring. "

" Sure. " Jaebeom breathed, returning to the calm, nonchalant man he usually was.

They both took a step closer, sitting on the floor and starting to open everything they had bought. Soon enough, there were colors and glitters everywhere on the floor, and Youngjae's Christmas playlist playing on the speakers was barely audible between their non-stop bickering. Youngjae was insisting on putting every single color of the rainbow on the tree, including blue, but Jaebeom was  _ not _ having it. He was a fervent defender of the idea that Christmas was supposed to be warm, with  _ warm  _ colors, to contrast with the freezing temperature and atmosphere outside, and he wasn't giving up on it. Red, white, green and gold. Those were Christmas' colors. Not blue. It didn't have its place on a Christmas tree.

He even went as far as gathering all the blue garlands Youngjae had bought behind his back and throwing them in the sink to wet them - he was going to regret that later tonight, because it had left glitters and shiny pieces of garlands everywhere and it was going to be awful to wash. It earned him a loud and long whine of " _ hyuuuuuuung !  _ " and he sent him a stern glare, before the boy finally huffed and said " Fine ! ", averting his gaze and crossing his arms on his stomach. He was sulking again and it had Jaebeom snicker, because, as soft as he was for him, he absolutely loved annoying the hell out of him. There was something overwhelmingly cute with the way he was sitting cross-legged on the floor, refusing to meet his eyes, showing his dissatisfaction the same way a 5 year-old child would have. It made him step forward to ruffle his hair with a shit-eating grin, and, even if he seemed to try very hard, Youngjae couldn't hold back a giggle, as he hunched his shoulders and scrunched his eyes shot. 

" Let's start with the string of lights, 'kay ? " Jaebeom suggested to make him forget about the freshly ruined decorations. " It's the most important. "

" Right. Let's do that. " the dark-haired boy answered, unfolding his arms and opening his eyes again to trail them on the numerous emptied boxes scattered around the tree. " ...Uh… ", he added.

" ...Wait. " Jaebeom suddenly remembered, following his gaze with furrowed brows. " We forgot the string of lights, didn't we ? "

The look on his friend’s face when they made eye contact was enough of an answer, it was the same as his own. Dumbfounded, confused and guilty, lips tightened in a flat line of worry. 

" Great. " sighed the older. They stared at the mess of ornaments everywhere on the floor, both pouting, thinking that maybe if they both looked at it for long enough, and while looking sad enough, gods would take pity on them and it would suddenly appeared from nowhere. Universe didn't seem to be on their side, though, because even after a whole few minutes, nothing had happened. Jaebeom noticed Youngjae raising his head and looking his way in his peripheral vision, so he did the same, and their gazes lingered on each other for several seconds, the older pouting even more in obvious disappointment.

" We can't have a Christmas tree without Christmas lights… " he mumbled sadly. Youngjae exhaled and smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck up and down before he suggested, voice hesitant:

" ... Let's say,... the last one to the car has to dri-- HEY ! Wait !! "

But Jaebeom had rushed out of the room already, and he was closing the door of the appartement quickly behind him with an annoying laugh before his friend could catch up with him.

•

Jaebeom was already waiting outside, next to the car, leaning against its door with one hand in his pocket and the other holding his phone, when he eventually heard footsteps. He raised his head, smirking when he saw his roomate, black hair flying in the wind and hand keeping his scarf in place, walking towards him with the usual, angry glare he wore anytime Jaebeom would tease him. Now, it would probably be better if he stopped. He had already annoyed the hell out of his friend at least four times that day, and he might get really upset at some point. But there was just something so satisfying with teasing him, seeing him all sulking and riled up, it never failed to amuse him. It was too entertaining. 

“ It’s unfair. “ Youngjae said when he was close enough, poking him on the shoulder with his forefinger. “ You cheated. “

Jaebeom pushed his hand away with a click of his tongue, trying to look serious even if there was a smirk constantly struggling to make its way to his face. The grip on the younger’s wrist was feather-like, but he didn’t fight against it.

“ Yeah. “ he answered with a nod. “ But you lost. You’re driving. “

“ But hyung ! You left before I could finish my sentence ! And I had to put my shoes on and to lock the door and - “

“ Stop whining like a baby. “ Jaebeom snapped sternly. “ Hope on now. “ He gestured towards the door on the other side of the car with a vague movement of his head. 

But Youngjae didn’t move, stayed in front of him, looking down with a frown as if he was hesitating between talking back like the brat he was, or being obedient ( for once ). He was taking a bit too much time to think, though, and Jaebeom was starting to get impatient.

“ Choi Youngjae. “ he said, “ If you don’t put your ugly ass on the driver sit now, you’re gonna have a Christmas tree without lights, and you don’t want that. “ Then, when he realized he wasn’t getting a reaction from the boy, he eventually let a smirk stretch his lips, raising his eyebrows smugly. “ ...Do you ? “ he insisted, nudging his chin with his knuckles as he leaned towards him slightly. Youngjae sighed and unfolded his arms, giving up with the most annoyed look he could manage. “ Fine ! “ he huffed. With big, rapid steps, he got around the car and opened the door, sitting on the cold leather of the seat without looking at his roommate even once. He looked like he was making a lot of efforts to show how displeased he was, and it only made Jaebeom chuckle even more, obviously enjoying it, despite feeling a tiny little bit guilty inside. It was too fun to stop. 

“ You’re unfair. “ Youngjae said once again, fastening his belt as the auburn-haired boy sat down next to him.

“ If repeating that makes you feel better, then do. But it won’t change anything, I’m already aware of that. “

“ But, hyung. Have you thought about safety ? I only got my driver license four months ago, you shouldn’t let me drive when it’s snowing. “

“ The snow is melting, it’s not even freezing. The roads are just wet, and I’ve seen you driving under the rain too many times to keep count, so it’s not gonna be a problem. Plus, it’s  _ because _ you got your driver license not so long ago, that I want you to drive. I have to enjoy the rare pleasure to be the one who’s just sitting there doing nothing. “ he answered while crossing his arms under his head. Youngjae rolled his eyes, but started the car nevertheless.   
“ Whatever “, he sighed, hands on steering wheel and eyes on the road. Feeling slightly bad for him eventually, Jaebeom pondered a bit before stucking his tongue out at him childishly. It wasn’t manly, even less sexy, but, hey, sometimes you had to act against your creeds for a friend. And it seemed to work, because soon enough, the driver was shaking his head, rolling his eyes once again, but this time, not being able to contain a small amused smile. 

“ Jesus, I hate you, Im Jaebeom. “ he mumbled.

“ I know you do, sunshine. “ he answered with yet another smirk.

•

It was dark when they came back home, the hands of the clock already showing 5:31pm. Youngjae was struggling with one of the three strings of lights they had bought - the longest one, of course -, and Jaebeom, like the good hyung he was, was watching him, leaning against the backrest of the couch. And maybe, even if he would deny it if you asked him, he might have been enjoying the sight of his cute roommate complaining non-stop for the few past minutes, pale skin illuminated by the warm lights, shining with a color that was just in between the yellow and the white. The black-haired student was doing quite a good job with the lights at first, but then,  _ Coco  _ had happened, and she had of course been very excited to see a new toy with which she could play - and a shining one !! -, and, ignoring the panicked whines of her master, - something like “ Oh no no no Coco don’t you  _ dare, FUCK NO,  _ no no  _ please  _ ! “, she had taken the lights in her mouth and ran and jumped all around him happily, barking proudly as if she was creating an awesome piece of art. Jaebeom was dying from laughter by the time his friend had been turned into a mess of cables and small lamps, tangled messily around his legs, up to his knees, because Coco was that powerful. Even now, when he had almost succeeded in freeing himself from it, the older couldn’t stop chuckling, staring at him with a fond, tender look. It was so cute, the way Youngjae was swearing and mumbling, eyes shooting daggers at his dog, and even sometimes at his “ best friend “, who was, once again, laughing at him. He may have been reconsidering his choice of roommate. As if Jaebeom would let him go away now, pfft. It was too late.

“ You could help me, at least. “ he complained, his feet finally being able to move, but the Christmas lights still unusable because of how many knots there was. Jaebeom didn’t say anything, but stood up, walking towards him with a soft smile which made the frown on the younger’s face disappear. He looked up at him, confused, hands stopping to try and untangle the cables. Jaebeom took it from him gently, the pads of their fingers brushing together for no more than one second before he put the longest part of the Christmas lights around his neck. Youngjae’s mouth fell open when he pulled at it, the lamps digging uncomfortably into his skin, forcing him to take a step forward, a breathy complaint tumbling out of his mouth as it successfully brought them closer together. Then, there was a soft, warm hand brushing his cheek and he jumped slightly, looking up at his hyung, incomprehension written all over his face. His lips closed again when he saw the soft, loving smile on Jaebeom’s face, the way his eyes creased and sparkled, almost completely hidden by his cheeks, a glint of something undecipherable shining in the dark orbs. 

“ You look cute. “ he said with a soft, low voice.

“ Huh ? “ answered the boy, taken aback. It went silent for a moment, the two boys admiring each other without really understanding what was going on, only knowing that the other was really cute and soft and pretty - they just couldn't look away. Then Jaebeom opened his mouth again, soundlessly at first, pondering, but soon enough he asked the question that had been waiting to be heard since he didn't know how long.

“ Jae, can I kiss you ? “ he murmured slowly, trying not to show how hesitant he was.

Now, obviously, if Jaebeom was trying to hide his feelings, this wasn’t the best thing to ask. But, hey, he wasn't  _ that _ stupid. He wouldn’t have asked for it if it wasn’t something they had already done. A few times.

He remembered every single time they kissed clearly as if it had happened the day before. The first time, it was Youngjae who had, surprisingly, started it. Jaebeom had come back home after a long, very very bad day at college and work, and the boy had taken care of him all night to make him feel better, hugging the hell out of him on the couch after having ordered his favorite american food. Then, he had started to place butterfly kisses everywhere on his skin; the back of his hand, his cheeks, his chin, his forehead, mumbling encouraging words in between, and Jaebeom had closed his eyes with a contented sigh, only to open then almost immediately when he felt a weird softness touching his lips and then retreating quickly. He had looked up at him from where he was sitting next to him, shocked, trying hard to analyse his hesitant grin and malicious eyes, but his brain had already melted earlier, so he couldn’t deduce anything from it. He was overwhelmed, confused and very much tired, he didn't even have the energy necessary to think. He only blinked quietly when he saw him leaning again, pecking his lips once more, slowly and softly, with almost no pressure at all, before snuggling against him, face pressed against his neck, kissing the skin there a few times reassuringly. No need to say, that had made his day much better.

The next time, it was at night, into the warmness of his comforters, when Youngjae had sneaked into his room and into his bed, hugging his pillow tightly against him. Jaebeom was woken up by the feeling of cold feet against his legs and a heavy head on his shoulder, and he had turned his head towards the intruder, blinking sleepily.

“ It’s cold. “ Youngjae had explained in a whisper. Jaebeom had hummed and turned, closing his eyes as he took him in his arms, not needing any word to understand that it was another one of his “ nightmare nights “, the ones when he had accumulated so many bad thoughts and insecurities that he couldn’t even close his eyes for a few minutes. He had always tried to hide it, but, after a few months living together, it was hard for Jaebeom not to notice the muffled sobs that echoed at the other side of the wall almost twice a month, so he had forced the younger to talk to him about it. He had refused at first, of course, because that was what Youngjae did when he had an issue, a real one. Hiding it and not talking about it with anyone because he thought it would annoy them. Because he thought he was a burden.

  
There was no way to get used to it. The way Youngjae looked so vulnerable, so, so sad, but never admitted it, the way the doubts were written all over his face but he would never explain them, the way Jaebeom couldn’t say anything to make him feel better, couldn't find the right words, because he didn’t _ know  _ anything. It was heartbreaking. That’s why, that night, he had held him close, firmly against his chest, and had kissed him, slow and lazy, for what had felt like an eternity, one hand stroking his, at that time, short brown hair, and the other drawing soothing circles on his back until he had forgotten all his dark thoughts, until he couldn’t feel anything but the older’s skin against his. Jaebeom had considered it an accomplished mission, because his friend - god, he really needed to stop calling him his  _ friend _ at that point - had been able to sleep at least a few hours before being woken up by yet another bad dream. Since then, he had repeated those kinds of actions everytime they were needed.

That’s why he didn’t hesitate this time neither. Sure, it was a bit of a change, because they usually had good reasons to kiss - one of them not feeling great and needing reassurance. Now, however, they were both perfectly fine. Jaebeom only thought that his friend looked very very adorable, and something had clicked in his head, making it impossible to resist. All the rushes of feelings he had had since the day before were suddenly too much, his heart beating too fast and too hard in his chest, emptying his brain and making him move forward without even thinking about it. Pulling him closer without thinking about it. Asking that question without thinking about it.

Granted, he expected him to say yes. That’s why he came back to his sense very abruptly, in a way he absolutely hated, when the boy smiled up at him and it looked  _ sad. _ Or maybe unsure, or doubtful, or insecure. Anyway, it wasn’t good at all.

“ We should talk about it. “ he whispered, putting one of his hands on the older’s shoulder, brushing his thumb up and down against it. Jaebeom lost his smile and swallowed.

Now, of course, Jaebeom had thought about it a lot. A lot lot lot. And he agreed, of course, it was 100% right, they definitely  _ should.  _ But hell, he wasn’t ready at all. Not a single cell of his body was ready. Was it really happening ? Now ?  _ Now  _ ??? But he hadn’t thought about it enough yet ! He hadn’t prepared himself to all the possibilities, hadn’t thought about what he would say, how he would say it, with what voice, what gesture, fuck, he was going to mess that up so so much. Oh, god, it was bad bad bad -

“ Don’t you think so, hyung ?... “ the younger insisted.

“ Huh. “ he answered, dumbfounded, at a complete loss of words. Tik, tok, said the clock.

Tik.

Tok.

Then, he abruptly shook his head, to come back to reality, and, if it helped for approximately a fraction of a second, it didn't last any longer than that. He went back to panic mode as soon as he heard the younger’s gasp and saw his disappointed, sad, wide eyes. He had obviously misinterpreted the whole thing. “ Uh, yeah. “ he added quickly, hoping to make it at least slightly better. “ Of course, we should. But, umh. “ He averted his eyes, looking away nervously, and gestured vaguely. “ Maybe… Maybe, in front of a Christmas tree isn’t the best place to get rejected. “

There was a short silence, only disturbed by the loud beating of his heart, during which Jaebeom refused to look at the student in his eyes. He looked everywhere in the room but at him. His gaze fell on the Christmas tree, the boxes, the shiny ornaments, the glitters. Just then, a breathy laugh suddenly landed on the skin of his cheek, and his eyes flickered back to his roommate. Much to his surprise, there was the exact same glitters in his eyes. Hypnotized by the sight of these glinting, dark-brown orbs, he barely noticed the fingertips brushing slowly against his forearms, making their way down to his wrists and - oh shit, now they were holding hands. What  _ the hell  _ was happening ?

“ You won’t get rejected hyung, don’t be silly. “ Youngjae assured. He looked down, biting his lips, and then up at him again with the most gentle grin ever. “ I just need to hear you say it, so that I can say it back. “

Jaebeom’s heart and brain both slightly calmed down, because, there was no arguing with that, was it ? 

“ Okay. “ he exhaled. Tik. Tok. “ Yeah, okay. “ he nodded, twice. “ I can do that. “

“ Great. “ answered the other, quietly but without hiding his amused tone. “ Do it, then. “

“ I’m fucking  _ trying _ , brat. “ he huffed, holding Youngjae’s hands a bit tighter and the asshole had the audacity to  _ chuckle _ . He took a deep breath, trying to gather all the small ounces of braveness he had in reserve. Which was, not a lot. “ Okay. “ he repeated. “ Youngjae. “ he added. “ Sunshine. " A pause, and then again, somehow even more timidly. " Okay. Would you, uhm… Will you be my boyfriend ? “ It sounded weird. He hadn't had enough time to picture himself saying it.

Youngjae chuckled at that, and Jaebeom started panicking once more - yep, he was probably dying from it tonight -, but the other didn’t miss a beat before answering calmly:

“ Yes, I will. “ A malicious grin finding its way to his face, he continued: “ I kinda was already, honestly. But you know very well that it’s not what I wanted to hear. “

Jaebeom groaned and sighed. He was getting tired of it already.

“ And why is it  _ me  _ who has to say it ? Why don’t  _ you  _ say it first, huh ? “ he complained.

“ Because I asked first, obviously. “ Youngjae answered and Jaebeom whined, shoulders falling down in defeat, because it was the best explanation  _ ever.  _ He couldn’t deny it, nor could he argue with it, Youngjae had asked first and now there was no way Jaebeom could get away with it because it was one of the Fundamental Laws of the Im-Choi House. Who asks first, gets what he wants first. It was absolute  _ fairness  _ that he know had to say it. To fucking say that. Say what he had vainly tried to hide for months now. __

“ Fine… “ he exhaled shakily, closing his eyes for a while, taking deep breaths, trying his very best to relax at least slightly, because it was a hell of an important moment, he had to do it  _ right.  _ And in order to do that, he had to be at least able to think. Youngjae, who, although was the one making it very hard, was also helping a little, brushing the pad of his thumb against his hands slowly, in a reassuring rhythm, as if to cheer him or to tell him that it was okay to take his time, he wasn’t sure. When he opened his eyes again, their gazes met and connected for a while, and they stayed there, in front of the tree, string of lights still around the younger’s nape, breathing in sync. Then, Jaebeom’s mouth opened, then closed, soundlessly, and he sputtered. He was trying, he really was, but he couldn’t manage to get the words out of his mouth, they were stuck in his throat. They accumulated there, more of them struggling to get out with every passing second, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know how to say it, he was the  _ worst  _ at communication, had always been, but it was even worse than usual now, because he was overthinking way too much. Giving up, he let his forehead fall heavily on the other’s shoulders with another grunt. He hid into the crook of his neck, feeling the hot lamps digging into the soft skin of his cheeks, almost burning because they had been turned on for too long. Youngjae stilled and tensed.

“ Hyung... “ he said after a few seconds, voice slow and cautious. “ Are you… Are you being  _ shy ?  _ “ he exclaimed, sounding incredulous, but also incredibly amused. 

“ …. Noooo… “ mumbled Jaebeom slowly. He snuggled closer against the dark-haired boy when he let out a full, loud laugh. He could feel every single vibrations it provoqued in his body, feel it shake his shoulder and he groaned. But, thinking about it, it wasn’t the only thing he was able to feel. He suddenly became hyper aware of the way he could feel the rhythm of his breath, their hands squished between their chest raising and falling slowly with it, the way his nose was digging into the base of his neck, right against his pulse point, and the way he could feel and hear his heart beating almost as fast as his own. If only it was in another situation, calmer, less frightening, it would have felt fucking great and soft and warm. It did, in fact, it really did. The younger’s laugh sounded great and his skin felt great and he smelt great and - all his senses were just filled with him, his presence, and it was  _ great.  _ Jaebeom couldn’t stop himself from grinning, cheeks stretching against the soft, soft skin of his shoulder. Youngjae apparently felt it, because his laughter died down and he hummed, satisfied, and soon the slow caresses were back on his hands, followed by a small squeeze.

“ It’s okay, hyung, don’t worry, “ he whispered, and the ambience shifted, turning into something much more quiet, gentler. He waited for him to move, to finally confess, but of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. “ It’ll be alright, I promise. You can tell me, it’s okay. “ he assured. 

“ Promise ? “ the older echoed, high-pitched, sounding way too childish for his liking, but, well. If he was going to say that now, then maybe it was also time to stop pretending and to admit  _ everything.  _ It was time to show him how freaking  _ weak  _ he was for him.

“ Yeah. Promise. “

“ ‘Kay. “

Jaebeom summoned up all his courage and he straightened up, not giving a fuck about the fact that his roommate could now see him blush and shiver. It was okay. He had promised.

“ Well… here comes nothing. “ he mumbled, trying to cheer himself up a bit.   
  
He stared at him intently, all the walls completely broken, giving up on all his defenses he had built over the years. His gaze was sincere and oh so trusting when he talked and Youngjae watched all of it with a tender grin and fond eyes.

“ I love you, Jae. “ he confessed solemnly. Then, he exhaled and waited for what would follow, resigned but focused, watching his face with absolute concentration to analyse every small changes of expressions he was going to witness.   
  
Granted, he expected Youngjae to be happy about it. He had imagined that his smile would widen, that his eyes would sparkle, and that he would, he didn’t know ! Maybe praise him or repeat those same words or… something. But what he actually did, was the exact opposite. His smile fell down and his eyes widened crazily and Jaebeom saw that he refrained himself from taking a step back and he fucking  _ panicked _ . What the hell ? Why was he reacting that way ? He told him it was going to be alright, then why was he not saying anything ? His lips were moving but no sounds came across them, while he looked up at him, looking shocked and dumbfounded and Jaebeom couldn’t think of anything he did wrong because the other boy had specifically  _ asked for it _ . Hadn’t he ? 

“ Say something. “ he urged, tugging desperately at their still intertwined hands, trying very hard not to let his sudden dark thoughts overwhelm him.

“ Y-you… “ stuttered Youngjae.

“ Yes, I do. Please say something. “ he pleaded. Youngjae didn’t. “ What’s wrong ? “ he whined, feeling more and more desperate the longer the silence stretched.

“ Nothing ! “, the boy eventually exclaimed, a tiny bit too loud, but they both didn’t care at that point. “ Nothing’s wrong, sorry, I… “ He talked quickly, leaning forward, grip on his hands tightening, eyes flickering everywhere in the room - on the floor, the walls, every single piece of furniture - and he looked equally as panicked as his hyung. “ I just didn’t expect that. I thought you were gonna say that, I don’t know ! “ he gestured wildly with his left hand, and Jaebeom’s fell down to his side, immediately missing the contact. “ That you like me, or something. Not that you - That you, uhm. You know. That. “

That was it, Jaebeom thought. That was it, he was going to get rejected by the same boy that had said he wouldn’t; that had agreed to be his boyfriend not even ten minutes ago. He didn’t understand why exactly, but he was, because he didn’t say what the other wanted to hear. Did he overstep some boundaries he didn’t know about ? Did he go too far ?

“ Is this… too much ? “ he asked shyly, not even bothering to hide how fucking  _ afraid  _ he was anymore.

“ No ! “ Both boys jumped at the sudden outburst. “ No, no, it’s not. “ he paused, took a deep breath. “ I’m sorry hyung. It’s not too much, really, I… I’m glad you do. Maybe it’s a bit early to say it back, though, but uhm, I feel the same, too, I think ? At least, I’m sure I like you. A whole lot. Like. A  _ whole  _ lot. “ 

Jaebeom relaxed almost immediately, sighing heavily, running his free hand through his hair and on his face as all the accumulated tension eased off of his shoulders. He allowed himself to feel relieved and happy for a few seconds before he realised that something felt wrong and unfair, and he turned back to his friend - boyfriend ? - with furrowed brows.

“ Wait, are you fucking kidding me ? “ he complained. “ You insisted that I say it and you promised you would say it back and it was fucking  _ hard  _ for me to do that and now you  _ dare _ shying away ?! “ Youngjae smiled sheepishly and breathed out a small, timid “ Yeah ? “. Jaebeom was having none of it.

“ Oh, no, no fucking way, you’re not getting away with this that easily. You’re saying it back. “

“ I’m not, sorry hyung. “ the younger smiled apologetically. “ It’s a bit too soon for that. But, I swear, it doesn’t change how fucking strong my feelings are for you. They are, I promise. “

“ Youngjae. “ Jaebeom snapped, sternly. “ If you don’t say it back… “

He was obviously trying to be threatening there, and it would have worked if Youngjae wasn’t such a natural  _ brat. _ The sentence awoke his most sassy self, and he smirked, inching a tiny bit closer, eyes full of mischief. 

“ Yeah ? What if I don’t ? “ he asked, voice innocent and his big, doe eyes glinting. Jaebeom took a step backward and rolled his eyes.

“ If you don’t say it back, then you won’t have your kiss. “

Youngjae huffed a breathy laugh, eyebrows raising in both surprise and amusement.

“ Whatever you say, hyung. “ he chuckled before leaning forward with a shit-eating grin. Jaebeom, vainly attempting to go back to the grumpy image of a man he usually gave off, tried to take another step back, keeping a good distance between them, but suddenly there were hands on the sides of his neck, fingertips tangling into the short strands of hair on his nape, thumb stroking the place just between his cheeks and his jaw, holding him firmly in place, and lips on his owns. He resisted for no more than a hundredth of a second before he let his pride break into a million pieces, kissing back while his brain was screaming at him not to. He couldn’t not.

So he did his best to hide his pride away, keeping it locked somewhere in a corner of is mind, and to stop thinking about anything else than the drag of the other’s lips against his. He couldn’t go anywhere, couldn’t back away with the way Youngjae was holding him, so he tried to match his pace as good as he could. Youngjae was pushing and pulling and nibbling, testing the plush and the softness, slowly and deliberately, never allowing him to forget that it was a  _ tease.  _ It didn’t last too long, just long enough for Jaebeom to lose himself in it, and he followed him for a bit when Youngjae pulled away, chasing the sensations. It took some time for him to come back to reality, blinking stupidly for a while, but when he did, he frowned and groaned, displeased by how he had just got manipulated and by how easily he had given in.

“ Brat. “ he croaked and Youngjae  _ giggled.  _ He fucking  _ giggle. _

“ Yeah, but you love me ! “ he exclaimed happily, beaming.

“ Don’t play with that. “ Jaebeom demanded, grumpy. “ I swear you’re going to fucking say it back. “

Youngjae pecked him again softly, chuckling. 

“ I won’t, sorry hyung. “

“ Youngjae I swear to god… “ By now he knew Youngjae wouldn’t, he knew that he was teasing the hell out of him and was having way too much fun with it. Irritated, he abruptly pushed the boy and made him fall heavily on the sofa. Youngjae was laughing again, loud and clear, and it only angered the older even more. “ You’re being fucking annoying. “ he warned.

“ Sorry… “ the dark-haired student breathed, not looking sorry at all. “ You’re making us waste our time, hyung. The tree won’t get decorated by itself. “ he teased.

“ Waste our time ?! “ Jaebeom repeated, outraged. “ WASTE OUR TIME ?! Okay. That’s it, I’ve had enough. “

And then he grabbed a pillow and proceeded to choke the younger with it, ignoring the way Coco started barking angrily and biting down on his ankles. It was well deserved. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ! You can find me on twitter: @SSen_333 ( it's just me thirsting on Youngjae and Jaebeom )


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